Reflections on Death and Impermanence: The Bucket List

In 2012, I was fortunate enough to attend a seminar on Death and Dying delivered by Sogyal Rinpoche and Dr Ian Gawler. Additionally my own health has been reminding me very frequently of the frailty of the human body, and other arising health/mortality issues with friends, colleagues and family have fuelled a recent reflection on impermanence.

I will spare you all my philosophical musings, but would like to draw your attention to what I experienced as a highly awakening, yet very practical exercise that we did during the seminar.

The exercise went something like this: Imagine a scenario whereby for the next 3 months, nothing changes in your present life circumstances. You will not be diagnosed with a termial or serious illness, there will be no car accident, and also you will not win 5 billion dollars on the lottery or get that promotion you have been waiting for at work. Nothing changes.

However, AT THE END OF THIS 3 MONTH PERIOD, YOU WILL DIE.

So the question is, in those 3 months, WHAT ARE THE TOP TEN THINGS YOU WILL DO, knowing that at the end of this you will exit stage left?

Here's my 2012 list:

1. Sort out that Will, and Guardianship of children, funeral planning etc. Practical matters pertaining to family is a priority to me.

2. (Those of you who are of moral standards higher than mine, skip this one!!). At the start of the 3 month period, get into an LSD trip, in a natural surround with sketchpad and recording devices, in the presence of informed and trusted friends. I'd do this at the start as I don't want to die tripping, but I would like to sample in a controlled way what lies behind our usual rational existence, now that I have had more years of education and hopefully wisdom under my belt (Tripped before in university, more as an impulsive act)

3. Express my GRATITUDE to all of those who have contributed to my life, ESPECIALLY to the people closer to me (where courage has failed me thus far). Not just through words or letters, but also through my continued actions.

4. More practice in Meditation (mindfulness, loving kindness and phowa practice), and Yoga (to maintain the physical vehicle of the body as an efficient tool for subsequent helpful behaviours, and to ongoing well being which then again faciliates helpful action to others)

5. Professionally, ready my patients for the inevitability of loss, not just me but how this will be a template for losses yet to come, and help them develop adaptive coping strategies for post-loss growth and resilience

6. For my children: leave them letters describing certain developmental phases of my life, not as a dictum as to how to lead theirs but as an example as to how their father led his, with all the mistakes and successes along the way. (Leaving them my facebook and blog password may help in this regard)

7. Teach, teach and teach anyone willing to learn from myself as much as I can, all of the skills I have learnt in this lifetime: whether this be through martial arts, psychotherapy/psychiatry, yoga, fishkeeping etc. Just another way to leave ripples of contribution.

8. The Travel List: Must..get...to...Galapagos Islands, Serengeti Plains, Tai Shan, Carl Jung's 'castle', and Vienna.

9. Spend as much time as possible with family and friends, again having a great time while also making them aware of the inevitability of what is to come. Chuang Tzu's parable about his dead wife would be a useful starting point, as would be Mr Albert Einstein's letter to a grieving friend. I will leave readers to research these illuminating resources themselves.

10. A few days before the end of 3 months and my death, a PRE-DEATH WAKE PARTY! Whats the bloody point of having one when I'm not there (that can happen too, out of my control), I would like to partake in the celebrations of my life and my death, because its all about ME here.

There you go. Shantideva said something about our human life being as transient as the flash of lightning in the dark of night. We don't have long before death inevitably comes a knocking, so live life. Albert Camus described life as inherently absurd, but lets embrace this absurdity and follow the existentialists' advice to create our own meaning and purpose. With this freedom from essence comes responsibility, and when a responsible stance is maintained good, content Aristotle-esque 'eudaemonic' life can indeed be lived.

What's your list? AND HOW MANY OF THESE THINGS ARE YOU ENGAING IN RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW? Because we don't and shouldn't have to wait before we know we have a few months left to live to begin engaging in these.

And now, for a 2017 update. I must admit five years down the track, I have been rather slack. Lets start from the bottom up and gauge my progress. Thankfully, I haven't yet had to organise a Wake Party. I do hope I can evade this one for as long as possible, but I do know this is out of my sphere of control or influence. I'm doing okay in number nine, no issues there. Number eight is also cruising along, I have been fortunate enough to have explored and adventured in many varied landscapes and cultures around our planet, but none of those I listed above..yet!

I do believe I am doing quite well in the seventh item, and have progressed significantly in this domain over the last five years. Six is going great too as I have informed my oldest child that Facebook will be a repository for her in the future, should she be interested, in learning how Dad lived his life. Given the increasing dependence on digital technology, I think this will more likely be consulted rather than good ol' traditional papyrus. This blog will be another source of information for them.

As I am working with a number of what society may label as elderly patients, I do think I am also continually being given opportunities to engage with this. So all good here.

However, the subsequent four items is where I fall from grace. No will yet, or any discussion of what I would like my funeral to look like. Haven't even gone near an LSD trip (although this is one item I believe can be left for 'later'; for more bedrock of wisdom to be laid down). Of note here, over the last five years there has been a revival of evidence based research into the therapeutic use of psychedelic substances, with very promising preliminary results not just in symptom control but also in helping patients find meaning and purpose. I have not meditated anywhere near to the daily frequency I was aiming for, and while I have improved in my interactions with close others, once again I have not shown or expressed my gratitude frequently enough.

While I am writing this I am trying not to be too overtly self critical, however I am also aware that again, perhaps I have fallen back to the daily habit of taking this granted lifetime and finite timeline as a human being for granted. As the protagonist in Ryunosuke Akutagawa's short story "The Story of a Head that fell off", this may well be a perpetual and pervasive mistake, and we would do well to do our best to correct this, in small aliquots day by day, hour by hour.